Beginning by addressing his audience, the singer says "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean." This opening innuendo is the opening gambit to a series to euphemisms for male genitalia. The overall message of the song appears to be summed up in its opening line: "Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?"
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to own a stiffy, it's divine to own a dick.
From the tiniest little tadger, to the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willie or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake.
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, your Percy or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons or you can slip it in your sock.
But don't take it out in public or they will stick you in the dock
and you won't a-come a-back. Ahh, thank you very much.
Euphemisms within the song include:
- John Thomas
- One-eyed trouser snake
- Piece of pork
- Wife's best friend
The final segment of the song advises that "you can wrap it up in ribbons" and that "you can slip it in your sock." However, "if you take it out in public they will stick you in the dock and you won't come back."
In British parlance, the dock is the area where the defendant sits in a court of law. The final line is just a friendly reminder that, however nice it is to have a penis, indecent exposure is still a crime.
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